Question or Two with...Interviews

Question or Two with Andrea Speed

1.      In your bio, you mention arming lemurs for the "upcoming war against the Mole Men." I didn't receive the memo about this war. Can you tell me how to prepare for this? Er, what are the factions involved in this war? I hope it includes kewl uniforms and weapons.

You have to understand that part of the Mole Men's plans is a large geodesic dome that will block out the sun, as they don't like bright light, and the lemurs are very adverse to this, as they really like vegetation. So it's both a philosophical and aesthetic difference more than anything else.  They like the Mole Men's idea to wipe out humanity, because, come on – what have we ever done for lemurs? If you're a human, the best thing to do is hunker down and wait it out.

As for the uniforms, Mole Men favor unitards, which is no fun at all, but the lemurs only wear coats. But they're snazzy military style jackets, with lots of epaulettes and gold. I'm having trouble with the weapons. Mole Men use mud balls and rocks, and lemurs generally use fruit and poop, but I'm trying to train them to use AK-47s. Wish me luck.

2.      Could you give us a taste of what Josh's job interview was like with Mr. Kwon? How would Josh have prepared for this interview? What did Mr. Kwon tell Josh about the position? Is Quik-Mart an Equal Opportunity Employer? Does Josh receive any hazardous duty pay (though it seems that humans may be a bigger threat than the monsters at Quik-Mart).

It was very much a standard job interview. Only at the end did Mr. Kwon break it to him his job might be a little unusual, and by that time Josh had already committed. Josh didn't believe him when he said he might have to deal with monsters and zombies, but he changed his mind pretty quickly. Josh does get a little “hazard pay”, but he also pockets the change the monsters leave behind, as they don't seem to get the idea they get change back. Or maybe there's some other reason they don't pick up their change. Josh likes to think they're tipping him.

3.      So far we've had zombies, vampires, lizard men and a yeti. What other monsters can we expect to be paying a Quik-Mart visit?

Lots of things! We have on tap a giant rampaging mustache, Cthulhu's half-brother, a reverse tooth fairy, and so much more. We may even discover who's in charge of the hell vortex.

4.What would you consider the hierarchy of datability for the monsters in your Josh of the Damned world?

Vampires are pretty much at the top, as they're the most human looking, and vampires do seem to get the gift of charm with the whole undead, blood drinking thing. I suppose zombies are at the bottom, because they're shambling corpses, and not only do they look and smell terrible, but bits have a tendency to fall off. I mean, if you hold someone's hand during a date, it wouldn't be a good feeling to accidentally pull it off your date. In between, it comes down to personal factors, such as whether you prefer fur to scales, tiny to gigantic, androgynous to a clear gender, and other things like that.

5.      Josh is graced with a visit from a yeti during one of his work-shifts. I saw Big Foot lumber across the road one summer night on the Fort Ord Army Base in Monterey, California. Have you had any close encounters of a cryptozoological kind?

Does a really big raccoon count? If not, no. And I'm in the Bigfoot hot spot of Washington State, so the fact that I haven't seen one is just a slap in the face.

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